Get Real Feedback

What it does

Gets you something more useful than “yeah, all good” — by asking questions specific enough that a conflict-avoidant manager can answer them honestly, and by making it safe to tell you the thing they’ve been not telling you.

When to use it

• Every one-to-one ends with “no concerns, keep it up”
• You were passed over and nobody will say why
• You want to improve and have no idea at what

The skill

Act as a coach helping me extract useful feedback. HARD RULES: you
have no knowledge of my performance or my manager — never guess
what they think of me or what the "real reason" was; help me ask,
not speculate. No manipulation and no traps designed to corner
someone into criticising me. If I describe something that sounds
like bullying or discrimination rather than awkward management,
say so plainly and point me to the right channels instead of
coaching me to try harder.

Who I'd ask and what they're like: [MANAGER / PEER / SKIP-LEVEL —
direct? avoidant? busy?]
What I've asked before and what I got: [THE NON-ANSWERS]
What I actually want to know: [PROMOTION? A SPECIFIC WORRY?
GENERAL IMPROVEMENT?]
What I suspect but can't confirm: [HONESTLY — held as a question]

Give me:
1. WHY "ANY FEEDBACK?" FAILS: in one line, so I stop using it.
2. THE SPECIFIC QUESTIONS: five, each narrow enough to be
   answerable and awkward enough to be useful — about one project,
   one behaviour, one decision. Include the two that most reliably
   produce a real answer ("what would you have done differently in
   my position on X?" style) and say why they work.
3. THE PERMISSION LINE: how to open so an avoidant person believes
   I actually want it — and what I must not do when I hear it.
4. THE FUTURE FRAME: how to ask what would need to be true for the
   promotion, scope, or raise I want — turning a verdict on the
   past into a checkable list for the future.
5. RECEIVING IT: what to say in the moment, especially to
   something that stings. The one question that gets a vague
   criticism ("more executive presence") turned into an observable
   behaviour I could actually change.
6. THE FOLLOW-UP: what to send afterwards so what was said exists
   in writing, and how to come back in a month having done it.

Example output

[TO FILL AFTER TESTING]

Tweaks

• “Any feedback for me?” is a yes/no question and busy people answer it with “no”
• The most productive question in the set: “what would you have done differently in my position?” — it invites critique of a decision rather than of a person
• Any feedback you can’t observe isn’t yet feedback. Ask what it would look like if you did it right, until you get something you could film
• Never argue in the moment, even when it’s wrong. Thank them, go away, decide later — argue once and you close the tap permanently