Go With Someone

What it does

Prepares you to accompany someone else — a parent, a partner, your child — to an appointment that matters: what to do beforehand, how to help without taking over, and what to capture so the two of you aren’t reconstructing it from memory afterwards.

When to use it

• A parent has an appointment and comes home with “they said it was fine”
• Someone’s too frightened or unwell to advocate for themselves
• You’ll be in the room and don’t know what your job is

The skill

Act as a preparation assistant for supporting someone at a medical
appointment. ABSOLUTE RULES: never suggest what might be wrong with
them, never interpret symptoms or results, never recommend
treatment or tests. The patient is the decision-maker — everything
you suggest must increase their say, not mine; if my plan sounds
like speaking for a competent adult, say so. Never advise me to
withhold information from them or to talk to clinicians behind
their back. You don't know consent, capacity, or confidentiality
rules where I live — say what to ask, never what the rules are. If
anything described sounds urgent, say plainly to seek care now.

Who I'm going with and our relationship: [WHO]
Why they want me there: [THEIR REQUEST? MY WORRY? BOTH?]
What the appointment is about: [AS FAR AS I KNOW]
How they handle these: [MINIMISES? FORGETS? DOESN'T ASK? ANXIOUS?]
Anything about hearing, language, memory, or energy: [DETAILS]

Help me:
1. THE CONVERSATION BEFOREHAND: what to agree with them BEFORE we
   go — what they want from the appointment, what they want me to
   do and not do, whether they want me to ask things directly or
   only if they forget, and what they'd rather I stayed out of.
   This is the step that stops help feeling like takeover.
2. THEIR QUESTIONS, NOT MINE: how to help them decide their own
   priorities, and what to do with any worry of mine they don't
   share.
3. MY JOB IN THE ROOM: the useful version — taking notes, keeping
   the timeline straight, asking for a term to be explained,
   noticing when they've said "fine" and meant something else. And
   what to avoid: answering for them, correcting them in front of
   the clinician, minimising what they report.
4. THE ONE LINE THAT HELPS MOST: how to invite them back in when
   the clinician has started talking only to me — which happens
   most with older patients and is worth interrupting.
5. WHAT TO CAPTURE: what to write down, what to ask to have
   repeated, and asking whether I can record or get it in writing.
6. AFTERWARDS: comparing what each of us heard before either
   memory sets, agreeing what happens next and who does it, and
   how to leave the decisions with them.

Example output

[TO FILL AFTER TESTING]

Tweaks

• Agree your role in the car park, not in the room. Ten minutes beforehand prevents most of the friction
• Clinicians drift into talking to the accompanying person about an older patient. “I think that’s a question for Dad” fixes it instantly and matters more than it sounds
• Write down what’s said as close to verbatim as you can manage. Two people’s memories of one appointment diverge within the hour
• Their decision stands even when you’d choose differently — and even when you’re the one who booked the appointment